Beach Bums July 25.2015

Beach Bums: one of the most anticipated parties of the summer hosted by Smirnoff Ice.  Unlike your regular beach party, this isn’t kept on some beach. Nope. You gotta drive to the parish of Port Royal then take a boat or yacht (depending on how much you got) and traverse the Caribbean Sea to a little island called Maiden Cay. Tickets are $3,500 pre-sold and $4,000 at the gate, or in this case, shore. Food and drink are inclusive.

The most interesting part of my day came when I reached the harbour. I didn’t have the mula (money) to board a yacht so I had to settle for a banana boat (that fisher men use) and there were plenty of them waiting to bring patrons to the island at a cost of $1,000 for a round trip.

It being my first time in a boat, I was nervous and a bit excited. I made my way onto a rocky boat that felt like it would tilt over any minute and it didn’t help that everyone else who jumped in didn’t seem to care whether the boat would turn over. So after arranging ourselves per the captain’s instructions we were off


Boy was I in for a ride! Luckily a friend of mine was on the boat and advised me that I should put away my phone as it would be a wet one. This wasn’t his first Beach Bums so I took his advice and put my phone in his bag. Turns out he wasn’t lying. Soon after I was hit by salty waves. The captain told us the sea would be rough that evening and it sure was. I held on for dear life as the boat rocked and swerved against the strong current with the occasional “Bumboclatt” uttering from everyone’s lips when the boat slammed against the water (lol).

Given how rough the sea was we had to take our time as we watched other bigger boats fly pass us. 15 minutes into the journey I was already half soaked, and it would be another 15 minutes before I saw our destination with yachts all lined up around the island and music thumping.  Finally we disembarked; half soaked with the taste of salt water on my lips, I was ready to party.

On a small island that was really no bigger than my yard, the party was in full swing and from my observation there was a fair amount of people on the beach, even though I expected more.


being hungry and all I paid for my band and set out to find where the food was and when I did, I was disappointed. They had just one tent set up and only served jerk chicken and bread. Disgruntled but not in the mood to argue, plus I needed sustenance before I began to drink and hopefully the bar was set up better, I devoured two plates of chicken and bread then hit the bar.

AND the bar was also a disappointment. There was only Smirnoff Ice and vodka being served. NO rum. NO beer. I was seriously wondering, “What did I just pay 4grand for?” Anyway, to keep a positive vibe I got my drink and checked out the party.


Music was provided by DJ Cruise (this dude is winning for the summer) and he had a decent vibe going. The crowd consisted of some young folk along with a mixture of the grown & sexy. Most of the crowd was separated into groups partying among themselves with lots of eye candy and sexy bums, but the party failed excite aside from a little dancing exhibition that went on in the middle of the beach. When the whining session came on for the ladies there was no group of girls free to dance with. A little while after the time was getting late, the party died down and it was time to head back, so we signalled for our boat which was anchored off shore and made our way back to the mainland.

In conclusion I was disappointed. I endured a rough journey on the sea, paid 4k for mediocre food and no variety in alcohol on an island that wasn’t really that crowded (due to late promotion of the event I overheard), so sadly my first time was the crappiest Beach Bums. Maybe I’ll have better luck next time.


3 thoughts on “Beach Bums July 25.2015

  1. slade williams says:

    Lol you are the best nigga ever lol. Party kick way mi hear and you did a great job, so big upself and keep up the good work.


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